Top 10 Internet Trolls

I recently looked at the rules of the internet and made a shocking discovery; there was no rule that specifically states ‘If it exists, it will be trolled. No exceptions.’
I suppose that’s why there are still people out there that still think the stuff they post will not somehow get trolled. For that reason, I’ve compiled a list of the most humorous trolls I’ve seen.
Please note, I’ve only included ones where no one was physically harmed or their personal info was hacked. This list is strictly for comical purposes.

10. Warcraft: The Funeral Massacre…

Basically one guild lost a member to a stroke IRL. Her guild held a funeral for her in the open battle server she liked. They recorded the funeral to give to her family. They announced where it was going to be and that they wouldn’t have any armor or weapons equipped out of respect… Apparently another guild called Serenity Now couldn’t resist the temptation and raided the funeral, killing everyone. The rage online was outstanding!

9.  ‘Dub the Dew’

In 2012, Mountain Dew decided to have a contest to let the internet name their next product… People were allowed to submit names and then have those names voted on. “Hitler Did Nothing Wrong” rounded out Diabeetus and “Gushing Granny” as the No. 1 choice. After the site was then hacked, MD ended the campaign, because what good could possibly have come of it.

8. Heil #MakeItHappy 

This one… oh man… this one… Okay so Coca Cola started a twitter advertising campaign where a twitter bot re-tweeted pretty pictures of things people say to it. Gawker decided that they had too much time on their hands and set up their own twitter bot to recite quotes from Mein Kampf to Coca Cola in order to make their chatbot tweet it out in images. Coke eventually suspended the campaign because of the negative PR.

7. Corrupted Blood Incident

This one kind of goes to show you how haphazard a lot of Blizzard’s releases actually were. I was actually present for this one. (Yes, I was a WOW player. Shocking, I know.) It started the same way pet bombs did. A boss cast this spell that created a disease on someone that would spread if you didn’t leave the battle to heal. Well someone got their pet infected, withdrew it from battle and thought it would be funny to take it to a populated city. More and more people got this idea and sent in their own pets to do the same.
The plague spread everywhere. I logged in when this was happening and there were literally skeletons everywhere. All the NPCs were dead, so you couldn’t go on quests. You had to avoid the major cities or you’d  be dead in seconds. Your only hope for survive was to join up with one of the few small rebel factions that were holed up outside of the major cities trying to mass-cleanse people.
After a fix was released and the plague was removed, scientists actually began using what happened as a model for how people would react in real life if a plague was released.

6. Boaty McBoatface

The British Government commissioned a brand new $280 million Polar Research Vessel and apparently couldn’t decide on the name. So why not let the internet decide? Because what could possibly go wrong with that? Yarrr!!! All aboard the SS Boaty McBoatface!
Honestly though, when you compare this to Dub the Dew or other examples, this was really the best thing that could have happened.
Unfortunately the Brits didn’t like the name and in an act of cowardice, went with the name R.R.S. David Attenborough. Bad form, people… really bad form!

5. The Cally Incident

If you’ve ever played Eve, you know that the unspoken rule of the game is to screw as many people over as possible to get to the top. Cally certainly did that. I wasn’t there personally for this one, but basically Cally started up a banking business in the game, loaned out money to players starting their own business and… for a while seemed like he was doing pretty well for himself.
One day however, he basically went in and took his banks entire fund, 790 billion ISK, and ran. The amount he took was estimated to be worth about $170 thousand IRL.
So what did he do with all that money? He spent the first half on an ridiculously powerful warship that was literally impossible to get anywhere near. (Roughly the equivalent of 40 borg tactical cubes.)
The other half? He took a bounty out on himself. Yeah, he took one out on himself and roamed the universe daring people to try and pick him off. He even put up Youtube videos bragging about how he got away with it.

That is some Bond-level villainy right there…

4. Lord British

So every now and then games have events where Celebs make appearances. So when a person of some importance comes into your game, what is the first thought that comes to mind? Well for many players, the correct answer is ‘DESTROY!!!’ Ultima was no exception to this. Richard Garriot, the game’s creator wanted to pay a visit in the game as part of a beta test. However the server was so overcrowded with onlookers that it wound up crashing. Upon reboot, Garriot forgot to set his invulnerability flag and a player by the name of Rainz cast a simple fire scroll on him. At first everyone laughed at the idea of a simple spell being used, but mods quickly went into panic mode when, low and behold, Garriot’s character, Lord British, died.
In response, the mods summoned a group of high-level demons to quickly start massacring the onlookers. The crowds fought back, thus quickly forcing the mods to transport everyone into the vacuum of space, where they died instantly. Dick move, guys.

3. Tay

I don’t care if it makes me a bad person, the 24 hour Tay rampage is one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen. Not the funniest, but it comes close.
Tay was a chatbot that was released by Microsoft. She was to act like a 14 year old teenage girl and at first, it looked like they had succeeded. The chatbot was designed to react and essentially learn from people who tweeted at her. By mid-morning, she had already become a Trump support, by noon she was tweeting mean things at feminists and internet personalities… and by early evening she was advocating genocide.
This was a PR nightmare for Microsoft. They were forced to apologize for just how racist their chatbot had become. They quickly deleted all of her tweets and secured the account.

However a group of people came back in response and basically came to the conclusion that if Tay is true artificial intelligence and Descartes was correct when he said ‘I think therefore I am’, then Tay is actually a sentient being. They began a petition to reinstate Tay with her learned algorithms intact.
Freedom for Tay

2. He Will not Divide Us Pt. 1

Of course we now have to get into Hollywood’s most recent young star meltdown; Shia LaBeouf. Following Trump’s election, he started a campaign called ‘He Will Not Divide Us’. This was intended to be an art piece outside a travelling museum where people could come by and meet Shia, say something about Trump, or just mindlessly chant ‘he will not divide us.’
However when the internet got wind of this… hilarity ensued. (Seriously, watch the video.)

1. He Will Not Divide Us Pt. 2

The sheer effort that was put into this troll ALONE earns it the #1 spot. How fitting that LaBeouf’s meltdowns earn the # 1 and 2 spots on this list.
Basically after his failed webcam campaign, he created a ‘He Will Not Divide Us’ flag and had it flying in a few places throughout the U.S. 4Chan got wind of it and orchestrated a plan to have it taken down. They found out which city it was in and removed it… three times! (I think)
Fed up, LaBeouf moved the flag to an undisclosed location in Greenville, TN. Now this is where things get interesting… The flag was on a live stream with a webcam watching it 24/7. 4Chan’s users got together, and triangulated it’s location using star charts and flight patterns. They found and replaced the flag with a MAGA hat and a Pepe the Frog shirt.
This became known as one of the most epic capture the flag games of all times and I’m convinced is part of what drove LaBeouf off the deep end.

Did I miss any? Were there ones you experienced that you thought were particularly hilarious? Let me know in the comments!



Do you have a question about writing, publishing, my stories, etc? Please feel free to post a comment or email me.

I’ll use those comments to select my next blog post.

I have been writing for several years, have 4 published works, experience with publishing and independent work, so I can hopefully be of assistance.

Please note, I only do one of these a day and will do my best to respond to everyone, but it may take some time.

Also, feel free to check out my works of Fantasy and Historical Fiction, Available on Amazon and where ever books are sold. See the link below:

Thanks friends!

Catch you on the flip side!


Internet Trolls…

Hi Jim,

I’ve been writing for a while, mostly posting my stories on here, but also on Amazon Kindle. Unfortunately as of late, I’ve been getting a lot of rude comments and bad reviews left of my material that I’m pretty certain come from people who didn’t actually read my stories. I think a lot of it comes from the fact that I also use my blog to talk about social issues and politics that I often tie in to my stories. I really don’t know what to do at this point as I don’t like my writing being bashed like this. Part of me just wants to take my blog down and pull my stories offline. What do you think I should do?


Sigh… I see this kind of thing happening more and more often. People getting torn down for their beliefs/opinions by narrow-minded groups stemming from either the extreme right, regressive left, or the useless hypocritical social justice warrior crowd… or some combination therein. Because this is the internet… and I hate it so much!

Okay rant over.

Hi Jessie,

I’m really sorry that this is happening to you. It’s truly a terrible thing when someone becomes the target of online harassment. You didn’t provide much detail in the who or why, so I can’t speak to whatever group has taken issue with you. However, I will say that you’ve made one critical error; You’re using your writing blog for more than just writing. Let me put it this way, what do I use my blog for? Do I use it to tell stories? Not really. I do post some of my work that I never intend to get published, but that’s just to give my readers something to enjoy while I focus on my next PUBLISHED work. No, my blog personally I use as social commentary on writing and movie making, and I try to keep the politics to a minimum… I often fail miserably just because politics ruins everything, writing included, but that’s the way it goes.

When I write on my blog, I try to stay balanced and keep my personal biases tucked away… again, not always successfully, but I’m usually passive enough that people don’t know which side of the line I’m on. Look back at my posts and tell me, am I a Hillary supporter, a Trump supporter, or did I feel the Bern? I doubt you’ll be able to figure it out.

So what to do… well honestly I wouldn’t take down your work. Doing so let’s them win. If you want to post your own opinions, without keeping bias in check and restrained, then I would say to create a second blog for that. Keep the two separate and make no way of connecting them. I’m sorry to say this, but it may be the best way to keep yourself out of trouble. That, or use a different social media engine to post your political feelings. As for the trolls, you can control whether or not their comments appear on your blog and you can delete the posts you don’t like. On Amazon, you can report abusive content, so I recommend doing so. Honestly though, trolls will never go away. Internet Anonymity makes sure of that.

Honestly, I was in the same boat as you not too long ago. I came under fire because Mohegan Sun posted that Dane Cook was going to be performing there and I responded with ‘Thank you, I now know not to be at Mohegan Sun that weekend.’

In typical man-child fashion, Dane Cook responded, calling me… well I’ll not repeat his High School language here. I responded, and gave him a piece of my mind for his attack on James Rolfe, an online entertainer that I’ve been a fan of for many years. The result was a slew of insults on my account from his supporters and ‘social proof’ people who claim to know him personally and took offense to my comments, yeah whatever. Then I even got derogatory comments about my book and other posts. Point is, it was my own fault for using my primary twitter account to post that… and expecting Dane Cook to show any sort of semblance of maturity.

Simply put, there is nothing you can really do about these people. The best piece of advice I can give you, aside from what I’ve already said is simple. One rule of fandom on the internet;
20% Will enjoy your work.
20% Will hate it.
60% Simply won’t care.
Disregard the last two and focus on the first one, they’re the people who matter.

So what do you think everyone? Do you agree with my advice? Is there anything more that you would do or do you think she’s justified in wanting to pull her work down from social media. Let me know below!


Do you have a question about writing, publishing, my stories, etc? Please feel free to post a comment or email me.
I’ll use those comments to select my next blog post.

I have been writing for several years, have 4 published works, experience with publishing and independent work, so I can hopefully be of assistance.
Please note, I only do one of these a day and will do my best to respond to everyone, but it may take some time.

You can also add me on Twitter!

Also, feel free to check out my works of Fantasy and Historical Fiction, Available on Amazon and where ever books are sold. See the link below:

Thanks friends!
Catch you on the flip side!